Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I need to align my fucking chakras
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
