She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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