I'm really into asian looking animals
Me too!
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
