His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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