I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
