I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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