If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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