I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Randomize
