so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
