Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
