I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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