BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
