This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Sorry my hands just texted you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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