I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
He kissed a someone with a penis
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
