I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
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