That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
