didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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