If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
