Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
