You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
