The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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