i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
