he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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