He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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