Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
high people should be assigned attendants
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
We have started to decorate penises.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
