Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
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