just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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