the new term for farting is butt boxing.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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