Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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