do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
this hospital has no fireball
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
