That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
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