I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
All the doctor said was why
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
