And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
