that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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