I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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