3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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