you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Randomize
