Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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