So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I got her a Nickelback box set.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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