i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
