yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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