I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
