i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize
