dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
