If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
Randomize
