I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
