girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
