I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
