He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
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