He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
You're earring is so big in my mouth
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
