you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
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