Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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