What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
