But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
My vagina is very pro this idea
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
