based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Randomize
