remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
