Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
