Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
