I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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