There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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