I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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