Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
