this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
