i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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