70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Lo siento on account of my penis...
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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