I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
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