Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
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