i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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