Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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